My Discovery of Colon Cancer

2006-12-25T18:45:00.000-08:00

Well, it is Christmas Day, and I am doing well enough. I have had many difficulties with the severe allergy to cold, as I like to put my reaction to Eloxitin, but that is the way it goes, and if things don't get any worse than that, then I will have it made. I approach, in about 50 hours, my nineth cycle, which makes things nice, as I only have three left after this. I am looking forward to the end of this whole thing, though I think my oncologist might want to see me for a bit after the last cycle, as my platelets have been down lately, and he is wondering why. I have little idea about this, which is not surprising, and though the readings have been down somewhat, they have been well over 90,000, which is not that bad. But we shall see just what happens at the end of chemo, and go from there.

My health has been good for the last three months, which I am grateful for, as it makes things much easier to deal with. I have, in fact, few complaints about the chemo, and can only hope that this thing works, so that I don't have to go through anything else. I must hope that it works, and continue my life as I would normally. That should be rather easy in most ways, though I cannot promise it. I can hope and pray that it is so. And so, gentle reader, I am again thankful for your attention, and will chat more later.

2006-11-21T12:20:00.000-08:00

Well, guess what? It has been less than a week since I posted here. I am sorry that I have not posted more frequently sometimes, but there is not always anything to report, either, so I don't. But this is an interesting week, in that Thanksgiving is coming up, and I thought I would post here, and share some of what is going through my mind.

First, I am thankful to be alive. I do wish things could be different just now, but I live, and that is significant. I can touch people's lives, which helps me and them both. That is important.

Second, I have friends who care about me. They can help me, I can help them, and all are happy. I am glad and thankful for the people in my life, and need to guard against that thing which most of us need to watch very carefully: taking them for granted. They will not always be around, and that is the most important thing to remember.

Then, there is the church I have found. Back in September, I was riding my bike here in the Twin Cities, and found this church which I started attending, and it was a good decision. The people there know when I are there and when I are not, they care about what is happening, and they are wonderful people to be around. They are loving in ways which, I think, many people have forgotten how to be loving, and they show it deeply. They love God, which love goes very deep, and they prove it in their response to each other. I love that.

There is also the roof over my head. Without that, I would almost certainly be far less comfortable than I am, if I would even be alive just now. Life is hard enough without the difficulties of living on the street on top of everything else, and having even a room is better than nothing.

And then there is the staff here. It is a controlled environment, but that only helps a person stay connected. I have more than one friend on the staff here, and they care what happens to me, which helps a lot. Loneliness is a problem for people of all walks of life sometimes, and to have people you can talk to readily is a wonderful thing. I have no job just now, and the people I have around me help me keep my sanity together. Thank God for all of my blessings, and never let me forget them!! And thank you, gentle reader, for your kind attention yet again to my writings.

2006-11-16T19:39:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I posted last, but there has been little enough to report. Things have been going well enough, and I have begun my seventh treatment cycle!!! That is good news for me, as I have passed the halfway point of my series. I am excited about that, as I am tired of all this malarchy of having to go in and get hooked up every two weeks. But we hope this is working, and that things will not get worse later, so that I will be fine.

Cold seems to be the hardest thing I have to deal with just now. Every time I get a treatment, it takes me at least a week to get over the Eloxitin, which is a pain, as things are harder to do with cold stuff, such as the meat I should be eating. But if that's the worst thing that comes my way from now on, I will have little enough to complain about. All else is good, and my psyche is in reasonable shape. I am keeping myself together, and that is the good part of this. I am not going to let this thing get me down, and I also know that there are those out there who have bigger things to deal with than I do, which makes me think that I have little enough to complain about, in any case. So I will survive this thing, and get through it. Things are not so bad just now, so keep your spirits up, gentle reader, and that may help me keep mine up, through the contact we have here. And, as always, thank you for your kind attention.

2006-10-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

It has, again, been two weeks since I updated here, so I thought I would come in and do some writing. I am doing well enough just now, and believe that my bout of sickness was, indeed, something I caught from somewhere, or something I ate, though I doubt the latter. I am feeling quite a bit better now, a month after that happened, and have done things to keep myself up, mostly having to do with things I am eating, or at least trying to eat, which are good for me. Earlier this week I picked up some fresh strawberries, a bunch of bananas, a few pears, three kinds of juice, and some milk, and made me a fruit smoothee. It was quite tasty, and helped me keep my strength up. I try to eat better, and have had good luck with a lot of that, as well, and simply drinking juice from the last purchase helped me this morning. Of course, I had to let the juice sit out all night, so that it was warm, but that is a small thing to do to get the digestion settled and have things ready to go.

My oncologist asked me Wednesday, first thing, about the nausea and vomiting, wishing to monitor that situation, and I don't blame him at all. Things such as that concern him at least as much as they concern me, and that is good. My health, after all, is what this whole chemo thing is all about, and sickness is not a part of health. It shows a lack of health, and that is a sign that something is not as it is supposed to be. So we work together to discover what is going on, and he tries to help me get through this thing in one piece. That makes me feel good, and I like him for it.

I will get disconnected again this afternoon, and am glad about that, as I don't like the pump with me. I have to remember it is there, and can't just move around like I am accustomed to do without it. It is simply one more thing I have to remember, however, and that is not necessarily such a bad thing sometimes, though who knows. But I get along, and that is what must happen. I cannot forget it, and that means that I am still on the chemo, though with the next treatment I will be halfway through. This is my fifth treatment just now, and the halfway point will be reached two weeks from today, when I am disconnected. Hey!!! I am looking forward to that, but more than that, I am looking forward to January, when I can put this thing completely behind me, and not get it again, I hope. That will be a happy day for me, trust me!!! Well, I guess that's all for today, so again gentle reader, I thank you for your attention, and hope that you have gotten something out of this. I hope you have a good day.

2006-10-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

I was reminded last night that it had been two weeks since I had posted here last, and there is a valid reason for that, though we are not completely sure what happened to cause that reason. I was quite sick two weeks ago today, and could not stop vomiting all day. And that unfortunate event was repeated at least once a day, and mostly only once a day, quite fortunately, over the next nine days. I could only stop last Sunday when, having gotten tiered of that series of events, I went to the Emergency Room ans was given some medication which helped me stop. I am glad I went, and wish now that I had gone sooner.

My oncologist says he does not believe that this bout was caused by the chemo, and he may be right. I feel good this morning, though a bit drained and weak from the last two weeks, so I must take it a little easier just now. But I am, in general, quite okay at the moment, and hope that continues. I am receiving, as we speak, another infusion, my fourth, of chemo, and it is going well so far. Things are proceeding apace, and I only have eight more treatments to go after this one, from which I will be disconneted tomorrow afternoon. This disconnect will occur a bit later than usual, as the oncologist wanted to wait for my complete bloodwork to come back before he started my treatment, but everything is fine in that department, and things went forward steadily after they started, around 1300 hours yesterday afternoon. Just now I am a bit hungry, but that can and will be taken care of shortly, so things are okay for me.

In general, my spirits have been kept up by those around me, and that helps. I have people I can turn to for what I need, and I have met a couple of new people who are willing, every so often at least, to talk to me, and see how I am doing. That helps, especially when one is sick. We do not always feel like talking to people in that situation, but it is a necessary point to ponder: We need each other, to exchange ideas, to bounce back from being down, to share our triumphs and tragedies as it were. So, gentle reader, if you face what I face, hang in there, and learn to share what you are feeling with someone, be it a loved one, a friend, a professional, someone who will listen. That is the most important thing one can do, and you will be most benefited as you reach out and touch someone, however far away from you they may live. Call someone, write someone, however you do it, just make contact with another human being, and find a source to get the support you need. I have, and it has helped me greatly. Well, thank you again for your kind attention, gentle reader, and I will chat with you again, and sooner than I did this time. Forgive me for my delay, and hang in there!!!

2006-09-12T15:51:00.000-07:00

Time passes, and things progress. LIfe continues, and side effects worsen, at least slightly. I am developing a sore on my lower lip, and the diarrhea has been a bit worse this time. But all in all, I am doing well enough. I have found someone who has been there before me, and have begun a dialogue with her, which was interesting. I met her at her church, which I began attending a week and a half ago, and we had a chance to talk some before the service Sunday. It should be interesting to see how things developed for her, and get things into perspective thereby. My side effects might be lesser or greater than hers, I do not know just now, but we shall see. Things are well enough for me just now, however, and for that I am truly greatful. I can beat this thing, and many people are pulling for me to do just that, which helps. I love the people I exchange messages with, and I think they love me, which helps a great deal in and of itself. I want to win this battle, and I shall do all in my power to do so. Here's praying it is enough. And as always, gentle reader, thank you for your attention.

2006-09-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

Colorado was, indeed, marvelous. I had a wonderful time, and saw many fascinating things. In fact, when we first entered the park at Yellowstone, after clearing a couple of stretches of road construction where they were improving the roadway, we saw a small herd of buffalo on the road ahead, and had to stop. There was something interesting there, however. There was an RV type vehicle on the other side of the road, and the driver began creeping forward, essentially herding the buffalo in our direction. One huge beast passed at most a car *width* from me, on my side of the car, and it was cool to see the animal so close and not be in danger from it. We also saw elk, moose, deer, and many beautiful things in the park. I will remember Yellowstone for a long time.

In fact, I will remember this entire trip for a long time. I enjoyed myself greatly, and so did my friend, though there were problems along the way, caused in part because we were both tired. We worked things out, and all is well. So just remember, gentle reader, that if such things happen with you, simply work them out, and go from there. It pays to do so, and all will be fine.

I started my second chemo this morning, and all is going as it did last time so far. I feel good, and my blood counts were good, so I am fine from that standpoint. And that is the thing one must remember: they monitor your blood counts on a regular basis, to keep on top of your health. They know what they are doing, so cooperate with them. They care for you, and will not let you down if they can help it. I know that, and though six months is a long time, things will end eventually, and that will be good for all concerned. And so, gentle reader, since that is my report, I thank you again for your kind attention.

2006-08-31T21:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I have had my first chemotherapy session, and it went well. One of the medications causes my throat to seem to close while drinking very cold liquids, but I have found that managable by either slowing down, or taking smaller sips. Occasionally, I simply tolerate the situation, as there is not all that much liquid flowing through the region, and it doesn't take that long to drink the water or other liquid. I have found, interestingly enough, that a straw will lessen or even stop the sensation, which is one thing they recommend, and that becomes interesting. I was connected Wednesday, August 23, and disconnected two days later, after which I left the next morning, August 26, on a trip to Colorado and Wyoming. I am currently sitting at a friend's computer while I post this, and can report that all went well on the trip, though I am, of course, quite tired from all the traveling. I had a w0nderful time, and things went quite well witn my energy levels, which was a prime concern of my family and friends, so that was very good. I am quite pleased with the time I had this last week, and return to Minnesota tomorrow morning early. So I will stop now, and report more fully on my experiences when I return to MN. As always, thank you, gentle reader, for your kind attention.

2006-08-21T16:10:00.000-07:00

Time flies, or creeps, depending. There is much waiting to do just now, but happily that period is almost over. I go in for my first chemo dose Wednesday morning, and things will then be in gear. What that will mean for my daily life, I have little idea just now. I have gotten the usual warnings and opinions of others, but I have never gone through this before, and until I do, no one can know how *I* will react. That is the important thing: how *I* react, as it is my body undergoing this prodecure, and no one else's. I must take all that is said, therefore, with a grain of salt, as I cannot predict just how I will react to the things which are done to me. Without a doubt, I will feel something, but just how severe it will be, no one can say. So I wait, and do so with as much equanimity as possible. The port is there, I feel it when I touch my shoulder, but I can ignore it much of the time now. It is still hard to deal with sometimes, but it is getting easier. So things will be as they will be, and I can do nothing about them. As characters in Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover series said often, "The world will go as it will, and not as you or I would have it." That statement has more truth in it that we can accept sometimes, and I must take it as my own. And so, on this, the thirty-second day since surgery, I am strong, and must remain thus, or I will collapse. I will not allow myself to collapse!!! And, as always, thank you gentle reader, fo ryour attention.

2006-08-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

On this day, I am seventy-two hours away from receiving my first chemo treatment. I have people around me who wish me well, and then there are those who would tell me how I will feel before I get there. That is rather unfortunate, especially when they have *NOT* been there. It is not that I doubt them, but I also know that I am someone who may, or may not, suffer the side affects of the chemotherapy, depending on how I respond to the drugs. And they said in the class Thursday that not everyone suffers the side affects, or at least suffers them to the same degree as others do. I do not really know, just now, exactly what to expect from this thing. I will know more next week, and that suits me just fine. I am not anxious for this thing to happen, but if it must, it must. And that is the bottom line. I hope things are quieter than most people expect them to be, but we shall see. If they are, then well and good. If not, then so be it, and I shall simply have to deal with the reality of things as it comes. I shall do my best, and that is all that anyone can do. From there, it is simply a matter of letthing things take their course. And I thank you again, gentle reader, for your attention.

2006-08-10T18:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been told that I face six months of chemotherapy, starting 8/23. That is a little difficult to handle just now, but I shall prevail, I believe, through the support of the people in my life. I have many who are there, and they will give me the support I need. I know the next months will be difficult, but that is only another test of my strength, and my faith. So things must go as they must, and I must follow as I am able. I think I shall prevail, and that is the beginning of the battle. One must believe in oneself, and though one must not exalt oneself above what we are, we must think well, or we will not make it. I believe, and that is the first step. From there, it is out of my hands. So thank you, gentle reader, for your kind attention.

2006-08-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

Today, I am still awaiting my appointment with the oncologist, and that is the next step in this journey I have been forced bo embark upon. I do not know what the future holds in store for me, obviously, but I do know that I have many friends and family rooting for me, and praying for me. I am confident that they will prevail in their well-wishes, and the prayers of the saints will help greatly. I am still looking forward to Colorado, and have not been told anything about having to cancel that trip. I will, of course, know more Thursday, but I will make every effort to keep the trip on the books, especially since I will come back refreshed and ready for the next stage in this process, in any case. Also, my strength will be tested on this trip, and I think it will be found adaquate for the rest of the journey to health which I must complete. So I hope I can still go to Colorado, and thence to Wyoming, to see the things I wish to see. Though there are no guarantees in this life, I think I shall be okay. So again, gentle reader, thank you for your attention.

2006-08-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

Today, it has been fifteen days since surgery, and I have gotten my staples out. That occurred yesterday afternoon, and things are improving from there. I had a chance to ride my bike yesterday for a short while, and though I was a little tired from it, I am fine today, and will probably ride more today. In fact, I need to let someone know that I have had my surgery, and I need to find something out by her, so I may try to ride out and do that today, depending on how far I can get. I think I might be okay to do that, though I will have to ride more slowly than I could before surgery for a while, but that's okay, too. I will get back into condition, and that will help me a lot. Things are okay with me, though I face the continuation of treatment now.

One of my nodes came back positibe for cancer, so I must endure chemotherapy now. That is a little nervous-making, but that is the way of this thing, and I must deal with it. My appointment is Thursday of next week, and I will find out then when things will begin, and in what order. I must discuss several things with my oncologist, including the lesion on my kidney, so that I can get the fullest benefit out of all of this. But we shall see what comes, and I shall report here what I find, and what steps I take to alleviate the symptoms of the treatment. We shall see what comes, and I will face what I must, and let you know just how things go for me. And as always, gentle reader, thank you for your kind attention.

2006-08-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

This is Day 12 since my surgery, and I am doing quite well. It was payday for me, and I had no trouble getting around to get the things done that I needed to today. I had enough energy to do what I wanted to do, and had fun doing them. I am a little sluggish in my BM's, but that's okay, because I can go every other day or so, at least, and that helps, at least. I also did something about the slight problem, and I know that it will help. Things are well with me, and I am glad of that. I have mostly good days, though a little tiring at times. Friday, I walked six miles on a fairly warm day, and I took a liter of water with me, drinking most of it on the way to a local Walmart, and refilling the bottle before coming back. I took my time, so the trip took three hours, but that was okay with me, as I had little else to do just then, and the day was hot enough that I needed to be careful. I made it none the worse for wear, and on top of that, stayed home the rest of the weekend, and even yesterday, sheltering from the heat. Things go apace, and Thursday I get my staples out, so that should free me up more to do the things I want and need to do. I am glad I am doing well, and hope that this helps, gentle reader. And as always, thank you for your attention.

2006-07-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

My recovery continues. I am feeling quite good just now, and stronger and stronger each day. I find that I have more energy than I thought I might, and may have the energy to have the time I truly want on my trip to Colorado, which has not been cancelled just yet. And I have a secret to getting rid of the pain, at least at this point in the recovery period, that I want to share with you.

I purchased a book titled "Step By Step Tai Chi" from a local Borders bookstore a few months ago. I ahd not done the exercises for a while, and decided to try them yesterday. Now, tai chi is a martial art, so I know what you are thinking: "What are you doing, trying to split your gut open?!!" But no, gentle reader, I am not doing that. I am, instead, trying to recover my strength and stamina, and I found that the exercises helped me. I was concerned that I would not be able to do them all, but they are doine so slowly that it does not harm the body, but rather helps it to work in harmony with itself. There is an exercise called "Looking at the Moon," which means that you look back over each shoulder as if the moon was behind you. But even that one I could do, since it was slow enough that I could stretch my body, and yet at the same time, not sunder anything. And this morning, when I woke up, I had no pain in the slightest!!! Now, I am willing to entertain the argument that that is simply because of the time since surgery, and the fact that I have had a chance to heal extensively, but I wonder if the exercises had something to do with it, as well. For I have more energy this morning than I have had, and that is good. I do not know the answers just now, but that does not mean that I do nothing to im0rove myself. I will continue to do the gentle, slow exercises, and see how they work. Iam glad that I can do this, and hope others understand what I am saying here. For I have no need, this day, of the Percocet that I have been prescribed for the pain, and that is a good thing. I will see what comes next. And again, thank you dear gentle reader for your attention.

2006-07-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

Well, the resting and healing continue. This day, the third full day out of the hospital, has been one of rest and visiting friends here in the Cities. They were glad to see me, as I was glad to see them, and they were pleased that I am okay. Until that time, this evening, I rested here in the building, took care of a couple of things I needed to do for a bit later, and took a nap this afternoon. That was a nice way to spend the day, since I am not fully healed just yet, and am battling the urge to do things I cannot do just now. That urge is not so strong that I have done anything foolish, such as travel faster than I can legitimately do so, but I wish I could, for example, ride my bike. That would be a real breakthrough, in that I could get around like I could before the surgery, which would help me even more. But I realize that if I did that, I would risk splitting myself open, and then could go nowhere, not even to Colorado, which I want to do next month. So I think only of going slowly, and getting my strength built back up, such that I can do these things I want to do. Discipline is a necessary part of this recovery process, and we must all follow out doctors' instructions in that regard. I have been instructed not to ride my bike, and not ride I shall do. Perhaps it will be a month or more before I can ride again, I do not know, but if so, then so be it. I will abide the restriction, knowing that that period will help me heal properly for my eventual riding.

I also plan to take it easy on my trip, no matter how long it takes to do things. I must do so, in that relaxation is the norm in situations such as this. The people around me must realize that, and work with me. I will work with them, as well, of course, but there must be a happy medium where we can meet, and get the optimum results for everyone. That must be what we work toward, and I will do my part. I hope others will do theirs.

Well, I hope I am helping you, gentle reader, and I thank you, as always, for your attentions. I hope you are there, and will benefit from this writing. Until next time.

2006-07-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

This is how I approached the posting of my hospitalization on www.optimalhealthnetwork.com, in the message boards that I have joined:

I got up at 0430 hours Thursday, and got to the hospital at 0515 hours, just as they had requested. I had to leave momentarily, but was back by 0532, was called back immediately, and the process began. They took very good care of me while I was there, as well. The people at St. Jeseph's Hospital care deeply for their patients, and it shows. They put me as much at my ease as they were able, and once someone began the processing, she stuck with me through that entire segment of my visit, until others replaced her in the OR waiting area.The procedure began right at 0730 with the first of the anesthetic being administered, and I was out until early Thursday afternoon, when I remember them moving me to the bed in my room. I called no one that day, but my family called a couple of times before they got me, mostly because I could not get to the phone at first. It was moved into position, and I talked to my sister that night, and then my Mom called the next day.Keep one of my nurses in mind. Her name is Patti, and she is expecting around early to mid-December. She was a fantastic nurse, and my roommate and I gave her a good-natured hard time sometimes, which she loved, and was saying today, "What am I going to do without you two for the next week?" We brought a smile to her face, and she to ours, whenever we had her for our nurse.I got morphine at first for the pain, which helped a lot, but I didn't walk until late Friday for the first time after surgery. That went well, however, and the next two also went well, so I was walking on my own Saturday afternoon. They had given me a Foley catheter, which the doctor ordered removed Friday afternoon, and that also made things much easier in the walking department. I did not, in fact, walk until everything was detached, which was fine with me. I did not want the complications of a bag and IV stand adding to my troubles, in any case.Saturday, I took two accompanied walks, and then was able to strike out on my own, and went to chapel this morning, where I had a good experience in a more or less Catholic/Episcopalian service. It was fun to be there, was an interesting message about us being shepherds to one another, and I had a chance to chat with the two others there, including the leader, for a few minutes before we went our separate ways.I walked home, slowly, when they released me after surgery, posted here, and then took a nap before coming back down. I feel strong enough to do this, and that is good. Now comes the recovery period, and in two weeks I get my staples out, following which I can, so far as I know, still go to Colorado. Nothing has changed in that department, though I might not be able to do one thing I wanted to do, unrelated to anything I have, so far as I can recall, posted here. I may not be able to play in a chess tournament held in Denver eacy year, but that's okay. I may go visiting, anyway, and see everyone who I khow down there.Well, that just about covers things for the moment, and is the longest post I have ever written, so far as I know. I hhpe you all enjoy reading it, and if there are questions, ask. I would be more than willing to answer them, if I can. So enjoy, and I will chat with you later!!!

My friends have shared a couple of things on that, including one menber who was pleased that I paused for a moment in my busy day, giving myself the opportunity to do the things that none of us ever do. Watch the squirrels bounce around on the grass, or run up a tree. Notice the flowers that we have dashed past so many times before. So many things that we must do. And here is how I answered him: (I have taken his name out, but the rest is unchanged)

Thank you so much for that thought, my friend. I am deeply appreciative of that sort of thing. Mostly I just read this morning, but that is one way to simply slow down, as well. Watch things going on around you, read a good book, enjoy the weather, and simply pause for a moment in the busy, too-fast-paced world we live in. I do appreciate moments such as that, and wish that more people could appreciate them with me. I hope that *YOU*, my friend, find the time to do that. And, like enemas, one must find, or make, the time to do such things. Time grows not on trees, and we must take the time to savor each moment. Too often, people do not do that, adn they lsse the omments that they should have been savoring. One of the characters in my current novel is a mother who did not spend the time with her children that she should have when they were children. Her husband raised them, and she missed many of their firsts moments. Something like that is so tragic, and need not happen, though it happens too much today. So take the time, my friends, to savor your lives. I think they got all the cancer, but too often they don't, or can't, and that snips the life out of the world as we know it. Savor your lives, please!!!! They are so precious, both to me, and to those around you in your phisical world. (And forgive me for waxing philosophical on the site for a moment, okay?)

And though we get philosophical from time to time, I thought I would add that disclaimer, just in case it bothered someone. I hope not, but you never can tell.

What I would say to you now, gentle reader, is that this post, being the first since I got out of the hospital, consists of quotes from another site, but the truths expressed there are no less applicable here. The details are the same for my hospitalization, and my feelings are the same whether original here, or there. I want you to know that I think of such things much of the time, though I don't express them here so often. Things are well enough for me, just now, but they will improve as time goes on. I am on Percocet, for one thing, just now, which will not last forever, I hope. That drug, though a powerful analgesic, is also quite addictive if used improperly. I must use it wisely, therefore, and get things done quickly, so that I can get off of it. I don't want to be addicted to something like that, and I doubt that the doctors I have would accept that condition in any case. I would hope not, at least.

Well, the writing here might be more disjointed this time around, for which I apologize, but the truths are there. I hope you can perceive them. And thank you, gentle reader, for your attentions again. I am pleased to have been of service, if such has been the case.

2006-07-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

Well, today it is 34 hours and 40 minutes until O-day. And I have accomplished the seemingly impossible, surviving the waiting period. Due in large part to the support I have at http://colonichealth.com, and the message boards there, with the significant outpouring of love and support I experience there. You will probably not recognize that link, dear reader, but it is a sub-link from Optimal Health Network, at http://optimalhealthnetwork.com. The boards there, at the first link, are very precious to me, and I would wish that support on anyone going through this situation of colon cancer, as I am just now. Many things there are wonderful, and the distractions and caring being poured in my direction are deep, wide, and most comforting to me. If you ever find yourself facing this situation, and read this blog, click on the links above, and you will find a site which will help you in more ways than one.Please, dear reader, link to the Optimal Health Network, and find the things there which will help you overcome many things, including colon cancer. I love the site, and cannot say enough about it, though I have said only a little about it here. WE will help you, if you but come to us and tell us of your situation, that I promise!!!

Well, I think that's all I have just now, but I thank you for your kind attention, dear reader, and wish you the very best of fortunes in whatever you must deal with. God is with us, and we are together, and that is enough.

2006-07-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

Well, in just over 13 hours, I go for my pre-op, and I am feeling as ready as I can be for this whole thing. I am far less anxious about this than one would expect, I think, which may be because I have so many people praying for me. I have many supporters, and that helps through this whole thing. I love the way people can pull together to help each other, and how things can to more smoothly when they do. I look forward to getting this thing over with, and being able to put the surgery behind me, getting on with my life as I can, and wish to.

Of course, not everything in life is pleasant, but then, we were never promised that. We were promised that, because He overcame the world, we would do the same, and that means all of the problems we have in this world. I know that the things thrown at me on the side will not affect me in my quest for health, and that is the best news possible. Life throws us a few curves from time to time, and we must deal with them, to our strengthening. So keep things in mind such as this as you live, and things will go better for you. And thanks again, gentle reader, for your attention.

2006-07-15T18:43:00.000-07:00

Another quiet day while I await my surgery. Things will begin to move again next week, however, probably Monday, when I must start looking for the calls which will pre-register me, and get me in touch with the nurse who will talk to me about what will happen, I hope, on Thursday. I will see what that brings, and what will happen from there. I am ready and waiting, and only time can tell what will come of this week's activities. And as always, thank you, gentle reader, for your attention.

2006-07-14T12:06:00.000-07:00

There has not been a lot to report on during this last week. The waiting continues, but in less than 138 hours I will be in surgery. All I am waiting for now, I think, is the call from the hospital to pre-register me, the call from the nurse, and my pre-op physical. At least, that's all I can think of that I need to do, as I have all that I need for the hospital visit: pajamas, bathrobe, slippers, and a clean set of clothes, which I will wash this weekend. So I can think of little I need to do *except* wait, and that is fine with me. This week has been rather quiet, therefore, save that I have continued to ride my bike, and had dinner out one night this week, at a local diner which is also the longest-running 24-hour diner in the country. I plan to visit a couple of friends this weekend or early next week, and then get the prep done, and hence the surgery. And I will, of course, ride my bike to visit my friends, which will be good for me. It will also, probably, be one of the last long trips I take before Thursday, and actually before Wednesday, when I plan to stay home all day, and get things completely ready within my colon for surgery. And that about sums everything up. So, as always gentle reader, thank you for your kind attention.

2006-07-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

Today, the waiting continues. I am a little down just now, as my sister is definitively *not* coming for this thing, but that is the breaks, and I must get through as best I can. I will try to call them from the hospital next week, though I don't know whether or not I can, to let them know directly how I am, but that is the best I can do. I will see my doctor, as a visitor, during that time, which will help, but she will not be as involved as I would wish. That still borhers me, but there is nothing I can do about it, so I must get through as best I can without that. Still, I trust her, and she ahs chosen the doctor to replace her for my pre-op, so that will be good. I am anticipating a good outcome, though I know there are no guarantees in this business. Still, one must hope for the best while planning for the worst. I don't really know how to do the latter, fully, but the worst case scenario should be preventable at this early stage. So things develop, and the moment draws closer. It is now 215 hours and about 40 minutes until commencement of surgery. That will be a difficult time, but I will continue that whch I have been doing, and should come out of the period strong enough for this thing.

I continue riding my bike around town, and will do so for as long as I am able, which should be right up until I begin prep Wednesday of next week. I will probably not go anywhere that last day before surgery, as I will have much to do, including the cleansing of my colon, which will keep me close to home, but that will work. I can use that time to meditate and pray, and that will help greatly. I have never used the phospho-soda, which they want me to use, and that means that this will be yet another new experience for me. I will have tried all of the prep solutions they have, unless they allow me to us enemas,which would be a possibility. Still, if I must use the soda, I will, as that will give me all the possible range, and will give me a choice, later, of what I want to use next time for something like this. Though hopefully this surgery will not be repeated, the colonoscopy will, and that will be done a bit differently next time, I promise you.

That will not happen for a while, however, and I must focsu on the here-and-now. Though planning my strategy is always a good thing, and all the more so since I play chess, the Royal Game. I enjoy that game, and find that things go better when I approach life, as I seldom do, as a chessplayer. I should try that more often, and I will do so, as I am able.

Thanks again, gentle reader, for your kind attention, and please let me know what you think. I would find your comments quite valuable here. Until next time, which will probably be tomorrow.

2006-07-10T17:22:00.000-07:00

Well, the process advances, as I got my prescription today. That is one more thing out of the way, and now I must get my physical, which will happen a week from tomorrow at 1020 hours. Things, therefore, are moving to a point of completion, and I am almost ready for surgery.

There are still one or two issues which must be settled, but by and large things are in place. And I have noticed something today: I am less scared than I was, even yesterday, with this truth in play. I still have a bit of the jitters, but they are mild compared to what they have been, and I am grateful for that. I think someone is praying for me, and that is most appreciated. In fact, I think several people are praying for me, and they help imensely, trust me. And perhaps the more I talk about it, with whomever I can of those around me, the better, even if I don't mention what kind of surgery I am getting. So that may be a factor as well, but I know that people are praying, and that is wonderful.

Also, there are things which I cannot mention here, which are taking my mind off of things, and this, too, is good. Things that distract one from a fear help, though I think facing that fear is better. But even a distraction is most healing, at times, and should not be denied as a weapon against that fear. So the distractions help, the facing of the fear helps, and the prayers help. That is three things which support me just now. Whatever helps, therefore, is a viable weapon in this battle. And, as always, thank you, gentlr reader, for your attention.

2006-07-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today, I got an email from my friend who sent me the piece, "This is beautiful, try not to cry". She said she does not mind that I have been sharing it, and that in connection with my mother, but I am glad she does not mind this. I liked that piece a lot, and wanted to share it with others.

Just now, I am holding things together by writing all of my friends, and this is helping a lot. I am telling people things about myself, and they accept these things. I am glad of this, as I need to be accepted, as do we all. It is very much worth it to post here, and elsewhere, so that I can get the things out which would otherwise make me go nuts. I will be here for as long as I can, both now and after surgery, though I am not sure just how often I will post following the operation. Certainly long enough to let everyone know what I face during this time, but I will keep this thing going, and let you know just how I am doing from time to time, at least, so that you can follow my progress. And I hope someone is actually reading this, because it would make me feel very sad to think that no one is benefitting from my experience. But that is the way of things. When no one comments, you never know just who is reading or not reading something like this. So, dear reader, post comments, please, here on this site. It helps me to know just what you are thinking, and also lets me know that someone is reading this.

Well, today is probably going to be another quiet day of waiting, but tomorrow I hope to get my prescription filled, so that I will have just about everything together that I need for this surgery. I got myself a new pair of pajamas and a new pair of slippers yesterday, so that is out of the way, and I shall now be ready for the hospitalization I face. I will be out of commission for a few days, but I shall post here again as soon as possible, so continue checking here, dear reader. And, as always, thank you for your kind attention.

2006-07-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today, I got my packet of information on what to do and what not to do in advance of the surgery. So things become just that much more real, and it is less that two weeks away. As I must do this, I face it with all of the courage I can muster, in the face of the fact that my sister may or may not get to come for this. I hope she can, but things are snagged just now. Oh, well, that is the way things go sometimes. Through no fault of their own, people can fail to appear at times, and they cannot be blamed for that, but by the same token, it makes things harder sometimes. But I am not angry with her, or even the circumstances, as I know I will make it through this thing whether or not she is here. I would, in many respects, prefer that she be here, but if she cannot be, then that is the breaks. I know I am not totally alone, as God is there, and there are many people, including my family, who will have me in their prayers during that weekend. Sot that is a comfort to me, and I am glad that it is the case. All will be thinking about me who know about this, even if they can't be right here.

The waiting is the hard part now. It is a different kind of waiting, but still waiting. And that will be the hardest thing over the next two weeks, or actually 12 days now, is the waiting. I have outlets such as this one, however, to help me in the waiting, and that will make the difference. Friends are here in spirit, if not in the flesh, and that will help me get through this time. So I am waiting, and we wait together, dear reader. Thank you again for your kind attention.

2006-07-07T19:55:00.000-07:00

Today has been a rather quieter day, though I wish I had gotten my prescription filled this day. I was unable to do that, due to, apparently, an emergency of some kind at my pharmacy, so that will have to wait until Monday. But otherwise I did very little of importance, except to get my bicycle fixed, the work done personally, as my brakes broke in two separate incidents. But the safety issue is more of a general thing, not so closely related to the purpose of this blog. It is simply now a waiting game, with many things to come in their time. I must simply be patient, though I could definitely wish that time could pass more swiftly in some ways. I simply, now, want to get this over and done with, out of the way, and get on with the recuperation I must go through. Other than that, there has been little of importance, as said earlier, to this day, and thus this post is shorter than the rest. Thank you, dear reader, for your attention.

2006-07-06T15:06:00.000-07:00

Well, the news is in. I am scheduled for surgery, and that means that I have a new waiting period to make it through. I am scheduled for 20 July at 0730 hours, with an expected arrival time of two hours prior to the event. I will then be admitted to the hospital for the next few days, and go home. This is a bit nerve-wracking for me, as I have never faced something like this before, and know little of what to expect in the way of procedures once I get out of surgery. There is much that I don't know about this, but the one thing I *do* know is that I am going in, and will get this done and over with. That has been the focus of all of this, and I will do that little thing, no matter how scary it is. For yes, it is scary, and I need to face that fear, and make it through it. Something Frank Herbert wrote in his "Dune" series comes to mind:

I will not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will let it pass over me and through me,
And then I will turn the inner eye to see where the fear has gone,
And where it has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

That, as closely as I can remember it, is the Litany Against Fear, printed early in the first novel. I think I have it mostly right, and can deal with things better the more I have of such things running through my mind.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." And Kathryn Janeway, captain of the starship "Voyager", dealt with Fear as a personification of all that was nasty in the lives of the people she was trying to help. It was in an episode in which the Voyager crew found a planet where several people had died in a holo-matrix, and several members of her crew were caught in that matrix. Fear was afraid to cease to exist, and that is the nature of fear. It feeds on itself, and needs nothing else. So that is where I am at, gentle reader. I am sscheduled, and if this helps someone, then I have done my job. Thank you for your attention.

2006-07-06T10:45:00.000-07:00

Today, in light of some things which have been brought to mind elsewhere, I thought I would mention something which has, in recent days, brought me comfort and peace in this time of stress. I hope I will not offend anyone, and that you will understand, dear reader, just what I am trying to say here. I must write this, and now.

I am a Christian. Have been since I was a child, though things do not always necessarily show it. But it's true, nonetheless, and the thing which brings me comfort stems from that belief system. For I have begun to pray lately, and it has helped me in the things I face. I have a great deal of difficulty just now keeping things together, in light of all the uncertainties of my current situation. The surgery, the timing, the recovery, the things I want to do afterwards, all conspire to drive me out of my mind sometimes, and that is when I need the peace most that prayer gives me. God, through Jesus Christ, has promised to be with me, and to help methrough the tough times as well as the good times, to give me strength when I need it, and to bless me in His will. I must rely on His word, and go from there.

And something I received in an email this morning comes to mind as something which the whole world could benefit from, so I am going to post it here. I am not going to ascribe spefic sources to it, but I will say that it was a forward from a friend, who got it from her family. I think it merits sharing, and I hope she will not be angry or upset with me in the slightest for posting it here just now. It runs as follows (Formatting mine):

This is beautiful, try not to cry

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said, "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to her son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair.

"Would you like a lock of his hair!" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.'" She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag of Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing th emodel cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The lettler said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Some day we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I gothere and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures.Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what,Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that? Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

I thought that was rather a touching piece of authorship, and again I hope my friend under-stands why I posted it here. I think it will help someone else, and that is the best gift something like this can give.

Well, that's just about all I have to say for this moment, so I again thank you, dear reader, for your kind attention, and hope you will continue reading this. I hope it helps someone else, even as writing this is helping me.

2006-07-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

A quick post just now, and I will elaborate tomorrow. I wanted to note that the people around you can make a big, BIG difference in the way things go. I have noticed this, both with those online, and those in RL. I have a group of friends who work and volunteer at a local bike shop/club, and they are really cool. They have a lot of things to offer, and part of the thing that they do is put me to work, at times, doing things to maintain the shop. For example, tonight I clipped spokes on several wheels, which helped them, and gave me something to do to help me keep my sanity in dealing with this whole waiting game that I must play. I love their support, and all of what they do to help me, even when they are doing nothing, perhaps, but simply being there. That is a very precious commodity, and we must never take such things for granted.

And the thing is, there are so many people who can help a person through this type of situation! From the appointments clerk I mentioned in an earlier post, to the store clerk with whom you exchange a greeting, to the people you live with, there are people all around us with whom we can bounce things off, and have many things shared together, which will help you maintain in the middle of the hardest thing you will face in your life. Things like this are very important, and and many times we forget these very things, which we must not do. Forgetting is the beginning of the end of sanity, in my humble opinion. Thank you, dear reader, for your continued attention, and I will chat with you tomorrow.

2006-07-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

Today, I want to talk about the people around us who are there to help us with the process of getting such things as surgery accomplished. I speak of a particular woman who is definitely a lady in every sense of the word. I spoke to her Friday, and she said she would call me today, but did not. So I called her, and she said that she not only remembered me, but was still working on my case, and did not have an answer for me just yet. She fully understood the fact that I was climbing the walls a bit, and was a bit tense around the fact that I did not know anything about what was happening. She behaved as if she really did understand that I needed to touch bases with her, and treated me with gentle understanding all the way through the conversation. And, in fact, she said that if she had not called me tomorrow by the time I had called her this afternoon, I should call her, and see just what was up. I promised that I would not jump on her in the slightest, mostly because I wanted to be nice to her, but also because she was most considerate of my need for information, which she had little of just then. It was a pleasure speaking to her, and I felt as if I was the only person on the face of the earth that she had to talk to just then.

Such people are necessary, and are wonderful to touch bases with. They fully comprehend our emotions, are fully cognizant of the tension and edginess we experience before such an event as surgery, and they truly have a desire to help us get through this most difficult of times in our lives. I say that they are the heroes of this world, even more so than role models such as John Elway, former quarterback of the Denver Broncos, and and others such as he that we pick out for our "I want to be like him" statements. I would be like the lady at the appointments desk of the surgeons office, as she truly personifies just exactly what I need to be in life. These people are gentle, considerate, caring, compassionate, and willing to make those who need them the center of the world for a couple of minutes. They are truly those from whom we should draw our role models, though the professional athletes have claim on our attention as well, if we want to do what they do. But the schedulers are the true unsung heroes of the world, since few of us even know they are there until we need them, and then only for the time we need them. Yet they realize that their use to each individual is limited, but their usefulness to the world is unlimited, as there are always those who need surgery. I appreciate them, and their selfless approach to the commitment it requires to do their jobs. Thank you, all of you appointments clerks and your devotion to us, the public who needs surgery!!!! And thank you, dear reader, for your attention. I may write more later, but that's what I have to say just now.

2006-07-04T10:07:00.000-07:00

Today, I thought I would try to deal with something that has been brought up in offline conversations with one of my friends. She asked me if I was scared, and I had to admit that yes, I was a little scared of this thing. And it comes home to me today, because, due to the Fourth and all the things which go on on a holiday, most of the people who would normally write to me are gone, or at least offline, so I am forced to deal with the way I feel about this thing coming up for me. So I will try to do that here, and hope that no one who reads this will be bothered by what I have to say. In fact, I hope that I can help others to get through this very feeling of fear, and that they, too, will face this thing with the courage needed to see things through.

The first thing that comes to mind is that I am going to be cut. No, I will not feel the actual cut, but the aftermath of that event will not be easy to deal with. It will eventually hurt, at least some, and that bothers me a bit, though pain as such is not a thing I am totally frightened of. It is a part of life, and if I hurt, then I will know that I am alive. But the pain must be dealt with, and that will not be an easy thing to do sometimes.

Then, there is the possibility of infection. We are, after all, talking about an area which contains a lot of bacteria, and that bacteria is best left where it is. But the possibility of it escaping exists with this surgery, and that would be very bad for me. Also, there is the possibility of outside, hostile bacteria getting in, and that would also harm me. So there is a second possible source of infection, and that is why I will stay in the hoospital for a day after my surgery, to make sure that no infection takes hold. I suspect, also, that I will receive antibiotics to take post-operatively, so that my body will have additional help in getting rid of any infection it encounters.

Then there is the reduction of mobility that I will experience as a result of the immediate aftermath of the surgery. It is inevitable that for a time, at least, I will not be able to do the things I can do now, and that bothers me a fair amount. I am a normally independent sort of person, and like to do things on my own as much as possible. Also, I like to get out of the building I live in, and go places, mainly on my bicycle, which will not be possible for a while after surgery. I do not enjoy the prospect of things like this happening, and wonder how I will be able to move for the first bit of time. I am sure I will have to slow down, and there are many questions surrounding that. I must find the answers at some point, and deal with the limits on my mobility thus imposed.

Also, as mentioned in other places, I enjoy enemas, and have just exchanged emails with a friend who is highly stressed just now, and has not had a chance to do any enemas for a short time. She hopes to get a series in today, and thus be able to relax with her ritual practice. I hope she can, and wish her the best, but I will not be able to do that for a while, so where will I find my relaxation, until I can resume my own enemas? I have been told I should wait a couple of months to allow myself to heal before I resume them, so I must discover ways of relaxing other than that most personal and intimate of practices for that time. It might be a little difficult, but we shall see.

Diet might also be a bit of a problem at first, as I have limited resources, and must discover what I can do to keep myself fed during the initial post-op period. And what will I be able to eat? That is another question. are there foods I should steer clear of for a while, until I heal? I must also discover that answer.

And the pain of the immediate incision sites will be replaced by the fact that I may have to watch the tensions I place on the muscles of my abdomen, as well. The incisions will be small, from what I have been told, but that will only allow them to heal more quickly, not be made as if they did not exist. Yet, I know that we use our abdominals to sit up in bed, and to move around in general, so I must watch how I stress them for a time, as well.

There may be other aspects of this thing which have not been considered in this post, but we shall save them for a later time. I don't want to put you to sleep, dear reader, with all of my concerns. But I thought I would bring these things up, and help you prepare if you face something such as this, to indicate, at least, some of the things you may need to consider in the immediate post-op period. I hope and trust that this has helped you, and that you will benefit from my experience. And, as always, thank you, dear reader, for your attention.

2006-07-03T18:15:00.000-07:00

Today went a bit differently than other days so far. I went for a fairly long bike ride late last night and early this morning, and was a bit drained from that little adventure, so I took it a bit easier once I woke up than I usually have. I did go for a ride to a Target not far from me, and thence to my pharmacy, but that was about the extent of things, at least thus far. The rest of the day was spent in getting online a couple of times, and talking to someone with whom I am reasonably close here where I live, to keep him informed as to where I am in the process. It was actually rather pleasant to hae a low profile day, though I may ride down to the store a bit later, and get a couple of things for the next couple of days, food wise. But that will be a short ride, and not a very strenuous one. I will take it easy, which will be a good thing, as tomorrow I plan to attend festivities at a local celebration for the 4th. And then comes Wednesday! I can hardly wait for that day to come, so that I can finally see just when I will go in for my surgery. The procedure will be a laproscopic colon resection with direct anastomosis, which I am informed should take about 90 minutes. The duration if the procedure is not of paramount importance, though my revival from the anaesthetic is, quite obviously. Many people are pulling for me, and have said that they thinkI will make a full and complete recovery, including a friend of mine online here, Kristina Amelong, of www.optimalhealthnetwork.com. She believes in my full recovery, as do all of my friends there, and I am looking forward to keeping in touch with them, even as soon as a couple of days or less after the surgery. I shall hope I can do so, as they will definitively want to know just how I cam out of things, and how things are going for me. I respect Kristina and all of her friends there, and they respect me, and are absolutely pulling for me.

Otherwise, things are rather quiet for me just now, and that is not necessarily a good thing, in some ways. For one thing, many of the people I am in contact with are probably gone for the holiday, and that means that they are offline, which is not a good thing. I need them for my emotional stability, especially now. But they have lives, as well, and that is fine. I will simply have to muddle through as best as I can, and keep things together the best way I know how until they can come back. I hope all are having a good holiday, and that you enjoy the things you do this holiday. Have a wonderful day, and as always, thank you dear reader for your attnetion.

2006-07-02T14:06:00.000-07:00

On this, the third day of my posting, I wish to do something a little different. Lest anyone think that only the colon concerns me, and consumes my life, I will tell you about my day yesterday, which was not involved with the colon cancer at all.

I have an online friend who may consider meeting me, and lives with a state border between her and myself. So, yesterday, I went for a bike ride to that border, though not as far down by any stretch of the imagination as she lives. And it was glorious!

When I first decided to go on this ride, it was a bit later in the day, so I was a bit concerned with time. But I had decided to go, and went with all the gusto I could manage. I began riding east, and found the streets I needed to use, exploring a bit all the way, as this was new territory for me. And it was quite interesting to see all the things that were there. Not so much that it was different, as that it was different to me. It was a city, and yet there were elements of the country in it, and it was a lot of fun to watch the changes in scenery as I went along.

Now, there is a river between my friend and I, and that river is different north than it is south. But the river is still a large one, and most interesting to see. And yesterday, I saw the most marvelous sight! I wish I had had a camera, as there was a bridge across the river, with seperate spans for each direction of traffic, and between the support pylons I could see boats. Lots of boats! And it was so pretty, seeing the various sizes of boats on the river, and how they spread out across the water, white on blue, and it was simply beautiful. I plan, one day, to get a camera, and return to that spot, to see if I can get a similar shot. It would be a wonderful view to have for a collection of photos which I must start. This is such a lovely area, and I plan on starting to take pictures when I can.

I know it took me at least two and a half hours to get back, but it was worth it, though when I was riding I became concerned with the lateness of the hour. But I knew that when I reached a particular point, I would make it, and I did. It was getting dark, but I can ride in certain areas without worrying so much, and I reached one of those areas, so was safe. And I am glad I took this ride, simply to get my mind off my problems for a time.

And the few people I spoke with on the trip were also quite personable. One couple was headed to the drive-in, and I had a chance to chat with them a couple of times before continuing on. It was, all in all, a marvelous time, and I plan on repeating this experience again, either before or after my surgery, to get that photo, if for nothing else!! Thank you again, dear reader, for your attention.

2006-07-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

And this is post number two. Though I won't be numbering them all the way through, I think it useful for my own recollections to keep track of that just now, so forgive me that little foible, please, dear reader.

Last night, I got to the end of my colonoscopy, and had decided to get the surgery done. So there I was, waiting for my next appointment with my doctor, though that wasn't that far away. I only had six days to wait, but the most dreaded news awaited me when I saw her that next Tuesday. All of the polyps had come back cancerous, with the big one really needing to come out, as a result. And right then, I regretted not having had this colonoscopy done a year ago, because now my doctor would not be available as fully as she should be during this time. Her last day at the clinic she had been practicing at was yesterday, and now she is in transition, which makes for a most difficult period for me. But that is as it is, and there is nothing I can do about it. Still, it is a pain not to have her right there all the time through this. She will be in the loop, but not as far in as I could have liked. Oh, well.

After my appointment with her, I had decided to go to a local buffet for lunch, and was riding along when my cell phone rang. Answering it, I discovered that an appointment for a CT scan had been arranged for me for the next afternoon, as the surgeon would want it before he operated. That was fine with me, though I knew little about what was coming. It didn't really bother me to do all of this, just so things got done, and soon. So I went the next afternoon, and they gave me something to drink which would assist them with the contrast so that they could pick up the various things my surgeon needed to see. And one thing he saw was a lesion on my right kidney. He said my liver was clean, so that the cancer hadn't spread, but the lesion concerned him, and he wanted me to check that out before he did anything. He said it could, perhaps, be removed laproscopically as well, so that nothing too severe need be done to me, and yet all would be taken care of.

And so, though this meant yet another delay, I went to my urologist, who only discussed the situation with someone he trusted, and said that though yes, the lesion was probably cancerous, it could wait, and that I should have my colon taken care of first, and see about the lesion a bit later. He said nothing about just how long that would be, but said that I could probably take a trip that I truly want to take at the end of August. But things were cleared for surgery, so all I had to do now was talk to my doctor, get the surgery scheduled, and get things done.

I talked to my doctor yesterday, and after an exchange of information, concerning in part the doctor she had chosen for me to see for my pre-op physical (another female, which is fine with me), we got off the phone, and I called the appointment line, getting a tentative schedule of 20 July for my surgery. But when, at the beginning of the conversation, the appointment clerk asked, "When are we going to get this done?" I said, "As soon as I can." So she said later that she would get back to me Wednesday, which makes me think that I might be able to get in earlier than that. We shall see, and if so I will take it, though if not, then not. Most of the crazy-making waiting is over now, and all I have to do now is wait for the day to arrive, which I think will be a bit easier. Not easy, note, but easier. Time passes, after all, at one second per second, and that is the best we can do.

As I say in my profile, I got started here as a result of an interest in enemas, because Kristina Amelong has a blog here, and encouraged me to post here, as well. One thing I find on her site, Optimal Health Network, is that the support is unbelievable. It is so heart-warming to post there, and get all of these people coming back with comments like, "I know you will conquer this!", and all of the love flowing my direction. I do try, of course, to give back what I get, and I think this whole cycle helps me get through this difficult and trying time just now. I am grateful for the opportunity to post here, but also to post there, where I get all of the support I can use, and then some! So thank you, dear reader, for your attention, and tune in again next time, for yet another installment in my progressive story of colon cancer.

2006-06-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

Well, this is my first post, and things are starting out stangely. I see no text while I am typing, but can get to the text in other ways. So here goes. And there we go. Now I see what I am typing, so here goes.

I discovered recently that I have colon cancer, but I think they believe they caught it early enough, and can get it all. So in this blog, I shall discuss the events that led up to the current point, and describe how things go with me from here.

I met my doctor two years ago while I was in a local St. Paul hospital, and she is a wonderful doctor. I have diabetes, which may or may not be relevant to this whole discussion, but is part of who I am now, so I will throw that out, and say that I see my doctor at least once a quarter. And it was during one of these visits that we noticed something amiss.

I had, last year, witnessed the end of the Twin Cities Marathon, run by Metron, I believe, and had decided to try this event this year. I am still thinking about at least walking the course, but we shall see. Be that as it may, I had begun to try to train for this event in mid-April, by walking according to a training schedule sent me via email. But the training sessions did not seem to be doing anything much for me, though I did not think much about it at the time. Now, I wish I had thought more about it, but we caught the problem in any case, so that's good.

Anyway, I had an appointment with my doctor May 9, at which time she had some blood drawn for a rutine check. And over the next few days, she tried rather frantically to get in touch with me, as there seemed to be a problem.

When I finally called the clinic, I was told that my hemoglobin was very low, and that my reserves of iron were gone. Yes, I thought, that is quite sufficient cause for deep worry, as up to now, things had gone rather well, and everything was fine. So I went through an FOBT, which came up positive, and all of a sudden things were not so cool with me.

After wondering how she let me slip through the cracks, as I am 52 and should probably have had at least one colonoscopy by now, she had her scheduling department set me up with one, and just over two weeks ago, I had it done, no sedatives, thank you!! It wasn't that bad, though some might want to avoid the memory of what they see during such an exam. I did not.

During the exam, several small polyps were removed, but there was one big one, 3 centimeters in length, which the colonoscopist could not touch with his instruments. He recommended surgery, which I did agree to have done right away, even though other things would get in the way. But that installment is for a future post, though not too far in the future, as this entire process will help me in more ways than my readers can imagine just now! Thank you for your attention, and see you later.